December 15, 2009

• Damn I Feel Great

  For me, feeling good was a hard thing to achieve in the past.  I would always be thinking about the what if's, materialistic things, the past, people of the past, past scars.  Or the future; "when am I gonna get to go home", stressed because of things that hasn't even happened yet.  I felt lost every day not knowing what I'm really supposed to do.  Good feelings, you know, joy, content, profoundness, motivation, happiness, bliss, euphoria, invincibility, Star Power, fulfillment.  They were all overshadowed by my bickering mind and without profound feelings like those its hard to keep a straight course to accomplish anything worth while...  Confusion is the only byproduct, a mindless wandering of a philosophical zombie.  A constant battle to control which part of my mind governed my actions.  Being selfish or being selfless.  Being aware in the moment, or dwell on matters not important at the moment.

  My life was a day dream.  Until I woke up one day and realized life's too fragile not to go for what I believe in.  And a life aimlessly living isn't living at all.

  So what did I do to feel better?  I started to do a few things to get to where I am now.  For one, I stopped regretting and started living in the moment.  That took a lot of load off my mind.  I used to regret about all the things I didn't do.  How stupid does that sound?  For all my regret that I built up over my life, I said goodbye to.  There is no point dwelling and regretting on the past that I cannot change.  I realized what I can change is my future.  My future is governed by the actions I take and my actions I make is in the moment.  So in this moment I deem writing this entry is worth my time because I get to express how I feel to others.  And if I didn't believe that wholeheartedly I wouldn't have gone through all this effort and my thoughts will remain within my head, trapped unexpressed.

  Now that's something I would regret.  So hello, here I am.  The second major thing I did was taking care of my physical body.  I started working out again and started eating healthy again.  Even if its just a little work out every night.  Being physically fit in my eye is equal to being mentally fit.  Without the body the mind cannot fulfill itself and vice versa without the mind the body ceases to function.  After falling sick last month I traced steps back as to why I became sick.  Not taking care of myself properly (smoking), improper diet (McDick), improper sleep (few hours to long days of work), over doing it basically is what I was doing and I fell sick.  I realized the importance of making the right decisions the hard way.

  Third, I quit smoking.  This one was a huge battle and I'm very proud of it.  Although not a long time smoker I was a daily smoker of around average of 5 to 6 a day.  1 when I woke up, 2 when I was on break at work, 3 would probably be a smoke break, 4 would be the one after work, 5 would be the one I smoke at home, 6 depending on how long I stay up the night, or a good night cigarette.  So going from that, to being sick, to having h1n1 + withdrawals = motivation to quit.  I did it for my physical health, financial health and mental health.

  I knew what I was doing was hurting me, I know benzene, formaldehyde and all those other chemicals mixed with the tar layer my lungs giving myself a better chance for a mutation to occur thus making them co-carcinogens.  So if I know the facts, why did I keep deceiving myself?   Self gratification, addiction, a habit.  Nicotine is addictive and forced with making it a habit makes it harder to quit.  Being sick and unable to physically smoke was a blessing in disguise.  I was forced to quit in other words, it was my time.

  Now I can say I used to smoke, and I know the difference.  The difference in thought is tremendous.  I no longer have myself nagging to myself telling myself that I need to smoke a cigarette.  No longer am I telling myself that I need to go to the corner store to buy a new deck cause I'm running low.  No longer am I checking every morning if I got my pack, my lighter, wallet, keys, cellphone.  No longer am I spending money to kill myself and those I cherish and love.  No longer are my actions associated with cigarettes.

  Now, I have more thought time, to think of the right decisions that matters the most in the moment.  Now, I have full control over my thoughts, and my health.

  Everyone knows whats right for themselves, but laziness is the most dominant human characteristic it's overcoming that laziness that makes one greater.

  The fourth major thing I did to be happy is to try my hardest.  I know that if I worked hard, I can achieve great things, and by working hard I can get closer to my goals.  That way I don't have to regret not trying because I tried my hardest to get what I want, the satisfaction of knowing you tried and the experience garnered from it is never in vain.  Hard work will always pay off and that is a fact.  Some people may be slow to acknowledge or realize but when they do realize you are working very hard, they appreciate it and the results show dramatically.

  There is more things that I've done but those seem like the best things I've done so far to change my ways to make my life a happier and healthier life.

  If y'all don't wanna read all that I think this video will sum it up okay with celebrity endorsement... lol, enjoy.

  • 6:39 am
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